Day 11: Ice Cream and Isolettes

 Day Eleven was a pretty awesome day! Being new to this whole NICU scene has been a bit overwhelming--even though I understand the reasoning behind the policies--it's a new ball game for us. Your siblings have the chance to visit twice a week--and only for 15 minutes. And that's hard, especially for them. Little man, they ask about you all the time. We watch you on the webcam, they take your diaper, hat, and pictures to share with their friends. And they're praying all the time for your health and strength. I was so delighted, this is probably the teacher in me, when I found out that the hospital did a siblings class to teach them all about what is going on with you. The staff were so patient and understanding to everyone's individual circumstances. They specifically taught your brothers and sisters all about your tubes, wires, IVs, how you get oxygen, how you eat, and what each thing was. It. Was. Awesome. They even got to play with the cords and tubes, similar to what you have going on, and put them on baby dolls. After they were done the kids each made you a picture and they hang above your isolette. Kudos to the hospital and staff who plan these events.

 

 

 

After some ice cream, provided by the hospital, the kids were able to scrub in and come to visit you. Each one of your siblings had the opportunity to touch you for the first time. I teared up watching you hold your big brother's fingers. I know one day you three will be the best buddies in the world. You, my handsome boy, are so adored by them.

 

Day 10: Goodbye IV

 

Day 10 was a super exciting day, little man. It was the first day you got to be IV free. I know how much I hated mine, and I've watched you attempt to pull yours out over and over. So you've got to be feeling a little bit of relief. At least I would think so. It was nice to get to hold you all swaddled up and love on you a little bit today. We even took a very cute picture together. The IV only gets to come out when you are doing very well, so you can see my excitement. You've also been on room air at the minimal flow, which is great progress, too!

Day Nine: Brain Ultrasound

Day Nine was the day you had your brain ultrasound. Mommy is kind of a worrier and I have anxiety bad sometimes. Which probably doesn't help my blood pressure at all, remember while you are growing--I am still healing and on medication for that. Anyway, they told me you'd have a brain ultrasound today and I was scared to death. Most preemies, and this is what I've been told--because I am no expert nor do I have a nursing degree, have brain bleeds. Their brains haven't finished growing and the trauma from the early delivery ads an increased chance. Little man, there are 4 levels of brain bleeds in preemies, depending on the severity of the bleed, it will determine future disabilities. So you can imagine my fears and anxieties. When we were finally able to talk to our doctor we were told you have a "Pin Prick" size of a bleed, it was so little, they didn't even classify it as a level. I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father, you have been given a blessing that you would be strong and healthy and this is one of the times I feel the strength of our Father in Heaven and  his promises coming through for us. We are blessed little man. We are so blessed.

Day Eight; One Week Old

Day Eight, Happy ONE week old!! We've made it one week little man. I can't believe how well you are doing. The neonatologists tell me you are the "All Star" baby, you've done so well despite your little infection. You have made it back to birth weight and your feedings are still gradually increasing. This has been the most life altering event, I miss you and long to hold you when I can't be with you. One week down, handsome, one week down.

Day Seven: Infection

DAY SEVEN they called us from the NICU, okay stopping right there, WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD, they told us you had developed a little infection in your leg during the night. You developed it because the IV went bad in your leg. They had to start a round of antibiotics and they drew on you to mark where the infection was. Plus, you had to get an new IV, in your head. :( We are seriously blessed little man, because by the time I got to the NICU for my visit, there was no redness or swelling in that area. I am so grateful for the quick and responsive medical care you are receiving. Not to mention the blessing you have been given, I know you are being watched over from up above, little man.

Day Six: Amazing Technology

DAY SIX. Okay little man, we are blessed. We are only a 20 minute drive away from you. And I have met some other mommies that have an enormous commute to get to their little ones in the NICU. I can't even imagine their pain and their trials right now. (However, our hospital does the coolest thing, they let those mommies board in the empty rooms so they're close to their babies) I most generally get to come to the hospital and spend several hours watching you grow and pumping and holding you. However, while I am still recovering, I have a hard time being there for extended times. Plus, it's the whole, you can't come out of the box very often thing too. I am so grateful for the technology of this hospital, because I get to watch you from a webcam at home. It is certainly making this journey that much easier. To know I can peek in on you, is the best feeling in the world.

Day Five: I have to go home now

 

DAY FIVE sucked! Literally sucked. After a week long stay at the hospital, they made me go home. And most people are probably thrilled to leave, but come on, I have never had to leave the hospital without a baby. And I cried. And I cried. And I cried. I don't know what is worse, knowing that you are going to be delivering early and your baby isn't coming home for a while. OR being told it's time to go and you can't take your baby with you. This has been one of the hardest experiences of my life. As we pulled into the driveway after leaving, I began sobbing. I can't imagine what the next several weeks have in store, and I am sadden you aren't here. I am grateful to know you are in good hands though and that we are at one of the best NICU's in the state. However, I will never be okay with having to leave, I hope it gets easier.

Day Four: Your First Bath

Day Four

your first bath!! Alright, being a mom to four other children I am used to this whole "hospital bathing" thing, but this experience is so different. Since you are in the NICU little man, I don't get to do a lot for you. I've had to become "The Passenger" on the road to your recovery, and the nurses and doctors get to take the wheel. So, I was delighted to know I was going to get to bath you! I got to sponge you down in your little isolette. I was a little nervous, I mean you're hooked to about everything! And for the love, it's a bit intimidating. Despite it all, it was wonderful to get to wrap you in a little towel and wash your hair, it was a much needed experience for me.

Day Three: Daddy's First Time

Day Three

was kind of a fun day, too. I finally decided to share you and let Daddy have a turn. See this is the sucky thing about the NICU, you can't come out of the box very often. I call it a box, because, well, that's what it is, and it's plastic, and it sucks. However, it is keeping you healthy and warm, so we will embrace it. Anyway, they don't want you out very often, too much stimulation, and even though we can technically get you out twice a day, we've chosen to keep it to a minimum to help you finish growing. Normally I do Kangaroo Care or Skin to Skin, but Daddy hadn't had a turn to hold you and somewhere, deep inside, I felt sad about that. So I gave up my turn to let him hold you. However, you my handsome little man, threw a tantrum. HA! I knew you'd be a mommy's boy, you weren't so into the fact that Daddy held you. I ate it up--I mean come on, who wouldn't?

Day Two: Big Brothers and Sisters

Day Two was the day that the other four kids got to come see Grayson. The NICU staff was so great to make each one of the kids a little footprint birth announcement so they could show their friends. They also got little wrist bands that said, "Big Bro" or "Big Sis". The kids only get to visit twice a week and only for 15 minutes at a time. We had to provide the hospital with their immunizations, but it so neat that they allow siblings to participate in this process. On Wednesday's they have a program established so that the children can talk to the doctors and nurses about the equipment and other things in the NICU. They also get a little treat and a quick visit back to their baby, we are looking forward to our first experience participating in that.

 

Disclaimer: Um, we weren't planning on having a baby anytime soon--so all of our pictures were from a cell phone. I apologize for the quality!

 

 

 

Day One: Your Birth Story Part 2

Day One was so scary for us. How did we go from having a healthy pregnancy to having a preemie baby within 48 hours?! There were a lot of questions and fears racing through our minds. I still don't even fully understand all of it. Clint was so good to take the reigns and to be patient with me as I struggled. As soon as he was out they took Grayson to immediately begin giving him oxygen. They did put him on a ventilator and started IVs. As soon as I was stitched they wheeled me past him, from my hospital bed, let me see his sweet little self, and sent me right to recovery. He was taken the opposite way to the NICU.

As a mom, I cannot begin to describe to you the agony that comes from not even being able to hold your baby. The first few moments of their lives are so precious and so memorable. It has always been a huge bonding moment for me to be able to have my infant laid on my chest. It was so hard to have that taken away.

After an hour in recovery, they wheeled me back through the NICU, and I was able to touch my sweet little man for the very first time. I got to hold his little hand for only a couple of minutes, but I told him I loved him and would be back as soon as I could. I told him, "You fight for me Grayson, cause Mommy loves you and needs you here." Then before I knew it, I was on my way to my room. It's like a big tease I tell you. However, I was grateful for that moment. To just feel his warm, soft baby skin and to see this little miracle that I had created. I think I bawled for quite a while and just kept hitting my morphine button to take away the pain of my C-section, those things hurt like hell.

Finally that evening, still hooked to an IV and magnesium to lower my blood pressure, they stood me up, put me in a wheel chair, and wheeled me to NICU. For the first time I got to hold my baby in my arms. Again, no words to describe this moment. I was ecstatic. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I'll let mine do the talking for me;

 

Dear Baby Grayson,

You're a tough little cookie. On day one you were taken off the ventilator and given a nasal cannula.--Which is pretty ahhh-mazing, son! You also scored two 7's and a 9 on your APGARS. Honestly, I wasn't told which score you got for what. I was told that most normal gestation babies don't score 9's, and that it's pretty unheard of for a preemie to ever get a 9! You took my breathe away, you are so beautiful. You remind me so much of your brothers, I see a lot of Tyson and Preston when I look at you. You have an amazing spirit about you, and I know you were sent to me for a very special purpose. I love you so very much! You are my little man.

Love,

Mommy  

Your Birth Story Part 1

    On Thursday July 18th,  I was 28 weeks 6 days gestation, anxiously awaiting the arrival of our sweet bundle of joy. I hadn't had a terrible pregnancy, but I was tired. Juggling college, work, and our four other children, who wouldn't be tired?! Like I mentioned, I hadn't been feeling awful. I had the occasional headaches and lots of exhaustion. I did have swelling, but nothing that wasn't controllable. I really felt healthy and felt like I really paid attention to my limits of this pregnancy.

     Earlier in the morning I was having some severe tummy craping and chalked it up to gas and growing baby. Knowing I had an appointment, that afternoon, I tried not to freak out and took it easy until I could meet with my doctor. I was at my appointment no longer than 15 minutes, when I was sent to the hospital for further tests to be done. My blood pressure was through the roof and I had protein in my urine. My doctor thought I was preeclamptic and needed to do some blood tests.

    After what felt like hours of crying and fear for my baby, I was settled in at the Labor and Delivery Unit of the hospital. The nurses, phlebotomists, and techs went to work collecting my blood,  hooking me to IV's, and pumping me with steroids. I was basically put in a "time-out", or so my husband and I have laughed about now, I wasn't allowed to have visitors or watch T.V.--I was supposed to sit in the dark and be quiet and do nothing. (This was to lower my Blood Pressure)

    Twelve hours later I was still laying in Labor and Delivery on my 'time-out" and awaiting more instructions from my OB. I can't explain to you the fears running through my head at this point. I seriously thought there was no way I would be delivering. Shortly after, I met with and OB specialist who told me that preeclampsia in your fifth pregnancy was unheard of, and I had developed HELLP syndrome. He said they wanted at least another 12-24 hours to finish my steroids if possible and to continue resting.

    That evening they released me to the Women's Care Unit and I thought I was in the clear and heading home the next day. Boy was I wrong...

    The morning of July 20th, the doctors decided that we had hit the 48 hour mark and we could no longer prolong things. They took me back for an emergency C-section and at 7:44 am our little man was born. He weighed 2lbs. 4oz. and he was 14.5 inches long. As he was rushed off to NICU with the nurses and doctors, I got to lay on the table being stitched and laying in awe over what had just happened.