Day 31: ONE MONTH OLD

Day Thirty-One. This day has been amazing and busy. It was the first day of school for your siblings. It was your Daddy's birthday. It was the day of my baby shower, honoring you. AND you are exactly ONE MONTH OLD today!

Day 30: Late Night Visit

Day Thirty. I visited you a little later than normal today, things have been crazy as we have been trying to prepare to get everyone back to school. The nurses have informed me that you have continued to have DESTATS {drops in your heart rate to scary levels}. I wont lie, it completely freaks me out when this happens. Your alarms are loud, they blink a red light, and you require stimulation to get to normal levels. Okay, this would be hard for any mother to see, and I have super bad anxiety, so I often tend to worry a great deal more because of it. The nurses told me that this is normal, that this is just your body dealing with the prematurity and that you will soon out grow it. Oh, I hope that is true, because I can't handle it. They did do some labs today to make sure things were going alright inside, it all turned out great. I pray for you in my heart constantly, that you will beat the trials that possibly lie ahead for you, that you can be strong, and that you will be healthy. I love you my sweet man, and I love every minute I get to spend with you.

Day 29: Faith

Day Twenty-nine. I am a very religious person, yet down to earth, so I am not very verbal about it all. I try to live my life by example and be the best I can be, I am not perfect. I do not claim to know everything, and I know I have much room for growth and development within my religious beliefs. However, today, during our visit, I was able to take part in Sacrament Services at the hospital. The spirit in the room was so strong. I was able to reflect on Christ and the great example he is to me, he gave his life, so that I can live again. That one day I will be perfected, you my little man, will be perfected. That this trial we are going through will just be like a second in time, and that we will be able to be together, exalted and in the presences of our Savior. He set the way. I strive to live like he would have me do.

 

As I looked around the room, it was filled with doctors and nurses. Dressed in their scrubs, me in my everyday clothes, in an office with cubical walls. It didn't matter though. We bowed are heads in remembrance of the life of Christ and the sacrifice that he made for us.

 

Now this is just me, it has nothing to do with how the doctors and nurses work or their knowledge of the medical practice and medicine, but it was so neat to stand with them as we partook of the sacrament. To know that there are so many of us with the same purposes and beliefs, I was in awe. Speechless. And felt so grateful again, to my Savior, for sending me you, for your purpose here in this world, and how much you have blessed my life. And ever so thankful, for ALL the people (regardless of religion or anything else) who are caring for you and helping you, so you and I can share a lifetime together.

 

I couldn't get through this time of life without my faith, my beliefs in the blessings that have been promised to you, to me. And without the support of our Heavenly Father and Christ our Savior. Let this be an example to you, my sweet, sweet boy, "through Christ, all things are possible".

 

Day 28: Not Yourself

Day Twenty-eight. Little man, today you were not yourself. I have seen dips in your oxygen before, I have seen your heart rate fluctuate, but today, during our visit you were all over. You DESTAT-ed several times and had some Apnea spells. Plus you were crying,  have seen you cry before, but never like this, I am afraid that something is wrong. Or that you are possibly getting sick. Since you were all over the place with your stats I felt it best to put you back in the isolette and let you rest. It breaks my heart to not see you at peace. I continue prayers on your behalf, we will get through this, we will fight. I love you my sweet boy.

Day 27: Cupcakes

Day Twenty-Seven. My aunt Stephanie entered us in a contest little man, and we won. I know it was just for cupcakes, but it really made my day. And although you can't enjoy them like the rest of us, it was still nice to know that we were being thought of and looked after. It's been 27 days that you have been with us. My life has forever been changed, this is one of the biggest struggles I have ever gone through. With that said, I don't think I could continue to go through this if it wasn't for the supportive team we have behind us. Several friends, family members, neighbors, and your medical team--they keep us going. They give us the uplifting support so we are able to get you through this journey. I am grateful for the little "pick-me-ups" that are being sent my way, for the prayers and the faith on our behalf, and for you, my sweet boy. Also a big thanks to Ninja Cupcakes for taking the time to send us a sweet treat. Their mission is amazing and they are changing lives one cupcake at a time!

Day 26: Open Crib is Near?

Day Twenty-six. Today we talked to the Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. She was very reassuring in letting us know that you are doing well. She told us that she wouldn't call your "set-backs"--set backs, but that the things you've gone through are normal and you are doing well. She decided it was time for you to have a "Big-Boy Binky". Which is a normal infant binky. She explained to Daddy and I that this will help your soft palate develop in your mouth. When she gave it to you, you latched right on. These are good signs that you're ready for some practice feedings. She also told me it wouldn't be long until you were out of the isolette and into an open bed! I am really excited for that.

Day 25: Cabbage in my Bra

 

Oh my little man, Day Twenty-Five, has been an adventure. Mommy isn't feeling so hot today. I am starting to get Mastitis--OUCH! So, naturally I am trying to do everything possible to heal myself without having to take any prescriptions. Hot showers, excessive pumping, hand expressing, cold packs, and yes, cabbage in my bra. Anyway, as much as I tried, I couldn't get the big, hard, red, lump out and ended up calling in for a prescription. This put a little bit of a damper on our morning visit. I am so glad I wasn't able to come in the morning though, because I got to spend the afternoon with you. This meant I got to bath you, and weigh you. I have had this opportunity before, but today was super fun, I bathed you in a bucket. Yep, a little Rubbermaid, 3.75 gallon box. The nurse wrapped you in a blanket and filled the bucket with warm water. We placed you in the water still wrapped and then slowly scrubbed you down, un-swaddling one body part at a time. The reason they bath you this way is to keep you warm, since you are still so little. You still love having your head scrubbed with a toothbrush. You calm right down. I can't lie though, it was kind of scary holding you in that water. Since you're so tiny, fragile, and squirmy, I was scared I would drop you. It was still awesome though and I was so thankful for the chance to care for you.

 

 

Guess what, you weigh 3lbs. 4oz. now! You're one-pound larger than you were at birth. Keep growing my little man, keep growing!