Day 18: Guilt & lots of POOP!

Day Eighteen. Today Mommy is feeling so guilty. And I am confessing myself here, not that you'll care in 15 years, but I had to get it out. I didn't come and see you until four o'clock today, ugh, I am the worst mom. :( I have come late before, but not for this reasoning. So, here it goes, I took your siblings to the fair. It was my first outing since you were born, and it's a yearly tradition to go to the fair on Kids Day at our house. I couldn't tell them no, so I took them. The entire time we were there I couldn't help but think about how much I wished you could be there with us. It just feels like part of us is missing. And I'd see cute moms with their strollers, bags, and busy hands, things I have gotten so used to not having to worry about, and I just felt so sad that you weren't there. Your siblings had a great time and don't get me wrong, I loved being there with them, but I was so excited to get to the hospital for our snuggling time. I confessed my guilt to your nurse and she was so sweet and assured me, you were just fine. I realized today that this will never be easy and it is definitely not an ideal situation. BUT I would rather have you with me on earth and in the hospital getting stronger and bigger, than not have you at all. And don't worry, you got me back, little man. You pooped THREE times while I was with you. I didn't know a two-pounder could produce so much poopy! Seriously, I changed you when I arrived. Not 2 minutes later you had pooped. So I went to change you again, and then you literally began pooping on me while I changed you. I gave you the "5 minutes" to finish, went to change you for the second time, and you seriously started pooping again. I was like WOAH baby boy, so I waited a few more minutes and then we successfully changed you. After about 40 minutes of holding you, EXPLOSION in your diaper! You seriously pooped again. I would of continued to hold you and snuggle, but you made it clear to Mommy that you wanted a clean bum. So, you made your point and paid me back dude! On a positive note, you have finally moved out of the "micro-preemie" diapers and into "regular preemie" diapers, too. Which means you, my little man, are growing!

 

 

(Micro-preemie diaper. The size of a hand)